How to Create Your Own Self-Care List and Rituals

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Self-care is not a luxury; it is a necessity.

Self-care is not something you do once in a while, it is something you do every day.  Real self-care is not selfish, it is self-compassionate. Real self-care is not a trend, it is a lifestyle.

But what is self-care, really? And how can you practice it in a way that works for you?

Self-care is the act of taking care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It is the recognition that you are a human being with needs, feelings, desires, and limitations. It is the acceptance that you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. It is the commitment to honor yourself and your values.

Self-care can look different for everyone, depending on your personality, preferences, circumstances, and goals. There is no one-size-fits-all formula for self-care. However, there are some general principles that can help you create your own self-care list and rituals.

First, real self-care should be intentional. You need to make time and space for yourself and prioritize your needs over others' expectations. You need to set boundaries and say no to things that drain your energy, deplete your soul or harm you. You need to be mindful of how you feel (remember these are signals) and what you need in each moment.

Second, self-care should be holistic. You need to take care of all aspects of yourself, not just one or two. You need to balance your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs, and find activities that nourish each one. You need to integrate self-care into your daily routine, not just as an occasional treat.

Third, self-care should be flexible. You need to adapt your self-care practices to your changing needs and situations. You need to be open to trying new things and experimenting with what works for you. You need to be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself when you slip up or fall short.

To help you get started on your self-care journey, here are some examples of self-care activities for each domain:

Physical self-care: This includes anything that helps you maintain or improve your physical health and wellness.

Eating nutritious foods and drinking enough water

Think of fish, veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, legumes, wholegrains, soy, and seaweed. Many nutritionists advocate for the Mediterranean or Okinawan diet. Both diets show promising clinical data that demonstrates a reduction in chronic disease (cardiovascular, stroke, diabetes, and some cancers). Additionally, both diets support a healthy body weight, metabolism and improve your brain, gut health, reduce inflammation and oxidative stress. Unfortunately, Krispy Cream Donuts and let’s be real Starbucks do not make the cut. In addition, dairy, poultry, eggs, red meat, processed foods and added sugars should be limited. These items in moderation are ok. I personally love “The Complete Anti-Inflammatory Diet for Beginners”. It makes meal planning super easy and you can prep your entire meal plan for a week. The caveat is that not all the meals are Mediterranean or Okinawan friendly, but it does provide good content/recipes and meal planning to reduce chronic inflammation.

Getting enough sleep and rest

If I sleep less than 7 hours, I need a nap or I’m going to bed early. Sleeping hours depend on various factors including age, health, activity level and sleep quality. Most healthy adults need at least 7 hours, so I’m right on target! Infants and young children need more sleep. I cannot stress the importance of sleep. You need it, it is important for your physical and mental health. Not getting enough rest can affect your immunity, memory, mood, and metabolism. To create a sleeping ritual:

• Stick to the same schedule- go to bed at the same time everyday (this include Christmas and New Years- HA! Right!). No, but do stick to a regular schedule.

• Avoid stimulants in the evening- Coffee, tea, nicotine, sugar.

• Create a comfortable and relaxing sleep environment- My bedroom is my sanctuary. I personally have a Slip Pillowcase, 100% Organic Cotton Lightweight Blanket. I also have 100% organic sheets. This can be very personal. Some people like sleeping on satin sheets or even polyester. I say whatever makes your sleeping environment a relaxing place for you; please invite those elements in.

• Do something calming before going to sleep. For instance, yin yoga, meditating or taking a warm bath or shower.

• Avoid using electronics, TVs, computers, smartphones, tablets, and anything that emits blue light. Read my article here on Tips to Help You Sleep Peacefully.

Exercising regularly and stretching your body

Choose an exercise of your choice. A lot of fitness gurus will say aerobic/cardio for at least 30 minutes and strength training are the best and I’m not disputing this, but I think just moving in general is important. Anything other than taking in another 4 hours of Netflix. Break up that screen time! Stretching your body is important as well. I personally love yoga and recently completed my certification. You can read my transformational journey here and the additional benefits yoga provides.

Taking care of your hygiene and grooming

This one is straight forward. Take showers and comb your hair at the very least.

Visiting your doctor and dentist regularly

You have one body, including one set of teeth. You MUST take care of your body. Visiting your doctor and dentist for checkups is imperative. People will say ‘I feel fine!’ Well, there are some ailments that are silent; meaning you won’t know they exist until it’s too late. Hence, You can visit your doctor and dentist now or you can visit them when you are ailing and have no teeth- your choice ;o)

Avoiding substances that harm your body

There are a lot of things that harm your body including the air pollution you inhale every single day. Try to limit harmful substances as much as possible. Here are some helpful apps and sites to help you on your toxic free journey.

• Think Dirty App

• EWG’s Healthy Living App

• CosDNA

• Clearya

• Safe Cosmetics website

Mental self-care: This includes anything that helps you stimulate or relax your mind and enhance your cognitive abilities.

Reading books or articles that interest you

Reading book and/or articles stimulate the mind especially when it’s a topic you are truly interested in.

Learning new skills or hobbies

Learning a new skill or hobby will peak your interest and keep you evolving. Not to mention creating new connections in your brain.

Solving puzzles or playing games

These stimulate the brain by reinforcing connections, improving mental speed and improving short-term memory.

Meditating or practicing mindfulness

The benefits of meditation are profound! Meditation reduces stress and anxiety, enhances self-awareness, promotes emotional well-being, and generates kindness. I completed my meditation certification training a couple of years ago and this practice has made a monumental impact to my daily living habits. The clinical data supports the benefits, and the aforementioned benefits are just a few to consider. This is definitely a real self-care tip to put into action!

Journaling or writing down your thoughts

This is another tip to reduce stress, manage anxiety and decrease stress. You can also VENT! Vent about a person, place, or thing as a way to release any anger or resentment. If you are venting about a person you live with (everyone we live with gets on our nerves at some point) I’d suggest keeping this journal in a secret hiding place unless you decide you want to share what you are feeling.

Seeking professional help if needed

Therapy is helpful in so many ways. It can help manage so many symptoms and conditions. In addition, it can help with communication skills and improve interpersonal relationships, increase your productivity, help you set goals and increase your own self-awareness.

Emotional self-care: This includes anything that helps you express or cope with your emotions and feelings.

• Identifying and naming your emotions

• Allowing yourself to feel what you feel without judgment

• Talking to someone you trust or seeking therapy if needed

• Practicing gratitude or affirmations

• Doing something that makes you happy or laugh

• Crying or venting when you need to

Spiritual self-care: This includes anything that helps you connect with your higher self, your purpose, or a higher power.

• Praying or attending a religious service (whatever this looks like for you)

• Practicing yoga or other forms of movement meditation

• Spending time in nature (read my post here) or with animals

• Listening to music or singing

• Creating art or expressing yourself creatively

• Volunteering or helping others

To create your own self-care list, you can use these examples as inspiration or come up with your own ideas. You can also use the following questions to guide you:

What do I enjoy doing?

What goals do I want to accomplish?

What makes me feel good?

What gives me energy?

What am I eating now and what would I like to eat?

How often do I exercise and how often would l like to start exercising?

How am I helping others?

What hobbies would I like to start?

What can I do in my free time that serves me?

What calms me down?

What challenges me?

What inspires me?

What motivates me?

Once you have a list of self-care activities, you can create your own self-care rituals. A ritual is a set of actions that you perform regularly and consistently, with a specific intention and meaning. A ritual can help you create a sense of structure, routine, and consistency in your life. It can also help you cultivate positive habits and behaviors that support your well-being.

To create your own self-care rituals, you can use these steps:

1. Choose one or more self-care activities from your list that you want to incorporate into your ritual.

2. Decide when and how often you want to perform your ritual. It can be daily, weekly, monthly or whenever you feel like it.

3. Set a specific time and place for your ritual. It can be in the morning, evening, before bed, after work or whenever suits you best.

4. Prepare everything you need for your ritual. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you want. You can use candles, incense, music, crystals, oils or anything else that enhances your experience.

5. Perform your ritual with intention and attention. Focus on the present moment and the sensations, thoughts and feelings that arise. Enjoy the process and the outcome.

6. Repeat your ritual as often as you want or need. You can also modify or change your ritual as you go along.

Creating your own self-care list and rituals can help you take charge of your well-being and happiness. It can also help you discover more about yourself and what matters to you. By practicing real self-care, you are not only taking care of yourself, but also taking care of others. Because when you are well, you can do well.

So, what are you waiting for? Start your year of real self-care today and see how it transforms your life!

The Euphoria of Self- Love

Loving yourself is the highest form of self-respect. Yet so many of us struggle with the concept of self-love. As you know, by now, I love our planet. It is beautiful to me in so many ways. When I think about loving ourselves, I reflect on Mother Earth and what our planet offers that feels like love to me.

I believe that loving oneself is like the gentle caress of a summer breeze, the soothing melody of a murmuring creek, or the awe-inspiring sight of a mountain peak kissed by the morning SUN. It’s an emotion as profound and as beautiful as the wonders that Mother Earth bestows upon us.

When we truly love ourselves, we become a mirror reflecting the beauty of nature. We become the radiant SUN that shines brightly, the resilient tree that stands tall through the seasons, and the vast ocean that holds depths of strength and serenity within.

This love isn’t a stagnant pond, but a flowing river, touching and influencing everything and everyone it encounters. It emanates from us like the sweet fragrance of a blooming rose, subtly yet significantly impacting those around us. It’s a ripple in the water, starting within us and extending outwards, creating a symphony of positive HIGH vibrations.

The feeling of self-love is euphoric, much like the joy one experiences when witnessing a stunning sunset or a field of flowers in full bloom. It resonates with the universal human experience of appreciating beauty - the kind of beauty that takes your breath away, that makes your heart skip a beat, and that brings a peaceful smile to your face.

In essence, to love oneself is to be in harmony with nature. It’s to realize that we, too, are part of the beautiful intricacies of life, deserving of love, kindness, and respect. So, let’s embark on this journey of self-love, and in doing so, let’s light up the world with the GLOW of our love.

But how do we cultivate this self-love? Here are some practical ways:

1.     Self-Acceptance: Just as we appreciate the uniqueness of each leaf, each cloud, and each wave, we must learn to accept and celebrate our unique selves. Our strengths, our weaknesses, our quirks - they all make us who we are. We ALL are beautiful in our own ways.

2.     Self-Care: Just as we water a plant and provide it with SUNlight, we must take care of our physical, emotional, and mental health. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, adequate sleep, and time for relaxation and fun are all essential.

3.     Positive Affirmations: Just as the SUNflower turns towards the sun, we must turn our thoughts towards positivity. Positive affirmations can help us focus on our strengths and potential rather than our flaws and failures.

4.     Setting Boundaries: Just as the river flows within its banks, we must learn to set boundaries to protect our peace and happiness. It’s okay to say no when something doesn’t serve us. Say NO.

5.     Forgiveness: Just as the earth absorbs the rain, we must learn to absorb our mistakes and forgive ourselves. Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes; they are steppingstones to growth.

6.     Gratitude: Just as we feel awe for the beauty of a rainbow or a starry night, we must cultivate a sense of gratitude for what we have. A daily gratitude practice can help us focus on the positives in our life.

Remember, the journey of self-love is a continuous one, much like the changing seasons or the flowing river. It’s a path we walk every day, learning, growing, and evolving. As we cultivate self-love, we not only enrich our own lives but also bring joy and positivity to those around us.

A Journey Through Moments, Imperfections and Time

The Little Moments That Paint Your Life’s Canvas

Life is a beautiful mosaic of moments, each one a unique brushstroke on the canvas of your existence. It’s the soaring peaks of triumph, the valleys of failure, the shared laughter, and the solitary tears. It’s the first scrape on your knee from a bike ride gone awry, the adrenaline rush of your first skydive. Through all the ebbs and flows, you are here, evolving, blossoming into a new version of yourself. You are not the person you were 5 years ago, or even last year. As you continue to transform, take a moment to savor the little moments, for they are the hidden treasures where joy resides.

Perfection Lies in the Heart of Imperfection

Perfection is an illusion, a mirage in the desert of reality. True beauty lies in our imperfections, in our unique quirks and idiosyncrasies. We all have moments of impatience, anger, sadness, self-doubt, guilt, or regret. But it’s these moments that remind us of our shared humanity, of our innate capacity for growth and change.

Happiness: The Inner Sanctuary

Happiness is not an external destination, but an inner sanctuary. It’s a state of being that emanates from within you. People, places, and things can enhance your happiness, but they don’t create it. Your happiness is a garden that you cultivate from the seeds of contentment within you.

Fail Fast, Fail Forward: The Dance of Progress

Failure is not a dead-end, but a steppingstone on the path to success. It’s an integral part of the dance of progress. Each misstep is an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to move forward with renewed determination and energy.

Time: The Sands of Life

Time is a precious resource, a river that flows ceaselessly forward. Amidst the whirlwind of daily tasks and routines, we often lose sight of the passing sands. But remember, each grain is a moment of your life. Pay attention to where your time flows. Seek out the activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. The more you immerse yourself in what you love, the more happiness will bloom in your life.

Everyone is Dancing the Dance of Existence

Just as you are navigating the intricate dance of life, so is everyone around you. We are all trying to find our rhythm, to make sense of our steps, to dance to the beat of our own drum. Approach others with empathy and understanding, recognizing that their dance is just as complex and beautiful as yours.

The Power of Acceptance: Embracing the Wholeness of Being

Acceptance is not just a word, but a profound act of love towards oneself. It’s about embracing the totality of our being, the light and the shadow, the joy, and the sorrow. It’s about standing in the heart of our experiences, our circumstances, our realities, and saying, “I am here, I am real, I am enough.” Acceptance is the first step towards transformation, the key that unlocks the door to growth and healing.

The Beauty of Connection: Weaving the Tapestry of Relationships

We are not solitary islands, but interconnected beings in the vast ocean of existence. Our lives are enriched by the relationships we cultivate, the bonds we nurture, the love we share. Each connection is a thread in the tapestry of our lives, adding its unique color and texture. These connections teach us about love, compassion, and understanding. They remind us that we are part of something larger than ourselves.

The Pursuit of Passion: Igniting the Flame Within

Passion is the spark that ignites the flame of our existence. It’s the force that propels us towards our dreams, the wind that fills the sails of our ambitions. When we engage with our passions, we come alive. We step into the flow of life, where every action is a dance, every moment a song. So, ask yourself, what sets your soul on fire? How can you fan the flames of your passion?

The Gift of Giving: The Circle of Love

Giving is not just an act, but a way of being. It’s about opening our hearts and sharing our gifts with the world. It’s about touching lives, making a difference, leaving a legacy. When we give, we create a circle of love that ripples out into the world. And in this circle, we find that the more we give, the more we receive. For the act of giving opens us up to the abundance of the universe, reminding us that we are all connected in the circle of life.

Embrace the Vastness of Your Desires

We all yearn for things that are vast and immense, beautiful, and ravishing, peaceful and calm, joyful and euphoric. We seek anything and everything that we believe will enhance our lives. But what if I told you that everything you desire already resides within you?

Your desires are not external entities; they are intrinsic parts of your soul, your being, and your identity. You can only desire what you have witnessed, felt, or experienced. The intensity of your longing, the tug you feel in your heart, propels you towards the object of your desire.

This principle applies to every aspect of our lives.

The ‘soulmate’ we yearn for,

the ‘perfect’ house we envision,

the corporate ‘company’ we aspire to join,

the ‘clique’ we wish to associate with,

the ‘best’ athlete we strive to become - all these desires are within our reach. The strength of your desire dictates your ability to achieve them.

Have you noticed the more you want something, the more it occupies your mind? Your beautiful mind will conjure endless possibilities for you to achieve exactly what you want if the desire is strong enough. If you haven’t yet attained your greatest desire, it’s not because you’re a failure or it’s out of your reach. It’s probably because the desire wasn’t strong enough.

Our desires ebb and flow based on our experiences. As we journey through life, our perspectives and desires evolve. Reflecting on my own life, I realized that my desires were influenced by my experiences, my environment, the people in my circle, and the things I saw on TV or social media. I decided to step back and remove what I felt was influencing me so that I could discover what I truly wanted.

In doing so, I discovered passions that I previously didn’t have time for. I found ways to cultivate peace and manage my stress. I found beauty in mundane things that I previously overlooked, and I found happiness in the smallest things. My desire for a peaceful life tugged at my heart in a way that led me to seek ways to find peace. And I am forever grateful that my path, my desire, led me to a better life.

If you want to get real about achieving your desires, take a step back. Do some introspective work. Find tools to help you achieve your goal. You will be pleasantly surprised as you journey towards achieving your ultimate goals.

Now, let’s delve deeper into each of these aspects.

The Power of Desire

Desire is a powerful force that drives us to achieve our goals. It’s the fuel that ignites our passion and motivates us to take action. When we desire something, we are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it. This is why it’s important to have a clear understanding of what we truly desire. Our desires should align with our values and beliefs, and they should contribute to our overall well-being and happiness.

The Influence of Our Environment

Our environment plays a significant role in shaping our desires. The people we interact with, the media we consume, and the experiences we have all influence what we desire. It’s important to be mindful of these influences and to make conscious choices about what we allow into our lives. By surrounding ourselves with positive influences, we can cultivate desires that are beneficial and fulfilling.

The Journey of Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is a journey that involves exploring our inner world and uncovering our true desires. It’s about getting to know ourselves on a deeper level and understanding what makes us tick. This process can be challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. Through self-discovery, we can identify our strengths, uncover our passions, and gain a clearer sense of what we truly desire.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is a state of mind that comes from within. It’s not something that can be achieved through external means. Our desires should lead us towards happiness, not away from it. By aligning our desires with our values and beliefs, we can pursue a path that brings us joy and fulfillment.

In closing, our desires are a reflection of who we are. They are an integral part of our identity, and they play a crucial role in shaping our lives. By understanding our desires and aligning them with our values and beliefs, we can create a life that is meaningful, fulfilling, and true to who we are. So, embrace your desires, follow your heart, and let your passions guide you towards your ultimate goals.

Give voice to your thoughts below!

Dealing with the Negative Emotions of Lifing

Happiness is AWESOME, it ROCKS! No other feeling compares to it- right?! We have wonderous hormones racing through your body. Sometimes you feel like you’re bur-sting at the seams (think of a new love interest). Being happy is good for your soul and your body. Happiness has many health benefits as well; reduces stress, boosts your heart health and can lead to better immune functioning. Who doesn’t want to be happy? Said no one ever!

People chase happiness like it’s this elusive feeling that only an object or a destination can bring. Happiness is around you all day! You can enjoy happiness everyday by participating in things that make you happy. But how would we know happiness if we never experienced everyday challenges. Should we try to avoid anxiety, fear, sadness or anger. Of course not! These feelings are meant to be experienced. It’s call living your life (lifing). Sometimes in living our lives we want to retreat for the hills- GET ME OUT OF HERE. Life can be hard at times, debilitating for some and chaotic for others. But those negative emotions, just as positive emotions, are signals. When you experience a negative emotion take pause and examine what’s causing it and know the feeling will pass. Will it pass in 5 minutes- maybe. But if you have experienced a death of a loved one, devasting news, or job loss it is warranted that the negative emotion may stick around for a while. Our feelings can be mixed on any given day. We may feel happy, an ounce of gratitude and dollop of anger. This is perfectly normal. The best we can do is to learn how to navigate the negative emotions we do feel in a healthy manner. Now you may be asking yourself “what the hell does this mean?”. Let’s start with what it doesn’t mean. There have been times when I have experienced a negative emotion and my answer to that negative emotion was a bit of retail therapy. The magnitude of that retail therapy was based on the extent of that negative emotion. This is not a healthy way to deal with negative emotions and will leave you broke and penniless. Other unhealthy ways in dealing with negative emotions; drinking (alcohol of course), overeating, lashing out at others (there are others but I’m sure you get the gist). BTW these are all distractions from dealing with the emotion.

So how does one go about dealing with negative emotions in a healthy way? You acknowledge and accept them. Now, when I experienced a negative emotion, I acknowledge the emotion and tell myself it will pass, because it always does. Does that mean a retail therapy spell isn’t cast upon me at times. Nope. I still deal with this but not as often; it happens once in a blue moon. But for the most part I’m able to deal with my negative emotions in a much healthier way and my mind couldn’t be more grateful because of it. I do the same with my positive emotions. I equally acknowledge and accept them and notice what is causing my happiness (because I might want to return to said item to experience more happiness).

We don’t welcome anger, fear or sadness with an open invitation, but life happens, and things happen where we will experience these emotions. KNOWING that these feeling are inevitable and finding strategic ways to cope with them helps us with this thing called lifing.

Give voice to your thoughts below!

The Ripple Effect of Thoughts

What you think, you feel. What you feel, you believe. What you believe shapes your behavior. And this culminates into the way you live your life.

Your thoughts… they can be powerful and consuming. They can seem so real you can touch them. They can be magnetic in a way that they are so attractive they are on replay in your mind. They create fantasies that live in the mind but not in your reality. They can seem like ‘truths’ but they are only your ‘truth’ and not necessarily the truth of others. They can seep into your mind without an invitation. They can spiral you down a relentless path of confusion. They can cause physiological reactions.

And they are temporary.

We can surrender our power to people and events and allow these things to control our thoughts. Sometimes when we are in a moment and a thought enters our mind it can send us down the wrong path. But what we forget, in this moment, is the power of choice. We can choose what we want to focus on and how we want to respond.

When a thought enters our mind we may feel a certain way, we may replay the thought, or we might react. But are you consciously aware of this thought and your decisions around it? Most of us do not operate this way. We have thoughts, we feel, we quickly analyzed, we react. Your conscious awareness is key in realizing that you can make a thought stop at any time. You can control the thought and you can react differently.

When we have an experience (an event, words people say, actions of others etc.) we filter that information through our own belief system and then a thought will form. Not understanding the intention of the event, action or words can lead to misunderstandings. And misunderstandings can lead to hurt feelings, confusion, and unwarranted reactions. Understanding your beliefs, the genesis of them and when and where they serve you is paramount to the experiences you have.

So, what are your beliefs? Our beliefs originate from our upbringing, our social circles, the experiences we have and to what we are exposed. We are conditioned. And then our beautiful mind constructs a ‘truth’ based on our collective experiences. We naturally gravitate towards others who share the same beliefs. To be clear we are not necessarily chatting about ‘well, what are your beliefs?’ We just know when we ‘vibe’ with others. You subconsciously know who you are not vibing with and this is because your underlying beliefs differ.

So how do you evolve your beliefs?

You become intentional.

Intentional about wanting to evolve. Evolving your thoughts, beliefs, and behavior. For instance, if you genuinely wanted to lose 20lbs you would change your thoughts and behavior to achieve that goal. You may start working out every day, change your diet, hire a trainer. Point being your actions had intention behind them. This same intention is required if you want to evolve your beliefs. You expose yourself to what you would like your beliefs to evolve to. So, if you want a more grateful happy life, you become intentional about the thoughts you let occupy your mind, you focus and gravitate to those things that bring you joy and you engage in activities, conversations and people that make you happy.

This does not happen because a Genie granted you a wish.

It is a process.

A process that takes time and intention. By choosing your thoughts you are on the path of becoming intentional about how you would like your life to unfold. This does not mean that you will never have negative thoughts or emotions; in some instances, this may be very much warranted. It is about creating a practice of becoming intentional about the beliefs you strive to have. As the saying goes; choosing not to change is choosing to stay committed to right where you are. Change will get you the results you are looking for in achieving a joyful life.

Give voice to your thoughts below!

Our Present Moment is Where We Live

Our mind is full of wonder and endless thoughts, sometimes to the detriment of our well-being; but living in the past or future doesn’t allow us to live in the ‘here and now’.

Thoughts of the past or future can elicit good or bad feelings depending on the thought itself.Those thoughts can cause us to feel anxious, worried, stressed or if it’s a positive thought we might feel excited, happy or content.

I personally like my positive thoughts either created from past experiences or created in the here and now.

Our present moment allows us to create fond memories and future realities

Did you know that it is theorized that 40% of our genetic makeup determines our happiness?! This means that 60% is determined by what we are exposed to—meaning we have the power to determine how happy we want to be. Being mindful of the fact that the present moment is where you are in time, and where you can make the most of your life is essential to discovering that elusive feeling of happiness.

We chase the idea of happiness by the beliefs of acquiring material things, achieving goals, finally taking that vacation we planned for, or essentially arriving at a destination that we believe will bring us happiness.

By focusing on our present moment, we can be the creator of our reality and achieve the life satisfaction we desire.

How so?

By nurturing our well-being.

Our physical, social, mental, workplace and societal well-being. When we nurture our well-being, we release feel good hormones such as endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and this improves our mental health. By being present we can shape and create a reality that leads to better life satisfaction.

Knowing this, how will you show up differently in your daily life?

Let’s start with eliminating the need to blame others for your happiness or lack thereof. Blaming your significant other, your friend, a coworker, spouse or even your waiter makes you a character in their story. You have allowed the words, actions, or inactions (expectations) take control of your thoughts, feelings and potential actions surrounding this being. Why give so much power to someone else? Your power resides in your ability to not be influenced by the actions of others. Trying to control or expect other people to change to meet your needs sets you up for a cycle of disappointment. Your happiness is dependent on YOUR actions, choices or in actions.

YOU can create your reality, take back your power and write your own memorable story—one that brings life fulfillment and the best out in you.

How do you get there?

Here are a few examples of how to nurture your well-being in your daily life:

• Going to the grocery store and treating yourself to a healthy meal, glass of wine and a savory dessert.

• Preparing your favorite morning cup of Joe just the way you like, basking in the aroma and appreciating each sip.

• Exercising until your heart rate reaches 150BPM (or whatever is optimal for you) so you can relish in endorphin euphoria (ahhhh!)

• Taking a morning walk and watching the sun rise, while the warm rays from the sun hit your skin and your body releases serotonin.

• Believe it or not but you can find a treasure chest for your mind by clearing clutter from a drawer, cabinet or even your closet. It’s as if it frees some space in your taxed mind.

Moments like these are the moments we should be mindful of as each one of these moments evoke ‘feel good’ feelings. If you believe that arriving at a destination will bring you happiness, you will always be looking for that ‘next destination’. This is not to say that future or past moments can’t evoke good feelings—they most certainly can. However, being mindful of the present moment allows us to have feel good moments more often and potentially avoids the feeling of regret. When we are mindful of our here and now our power to create a meaningful and fulfilling life is infinite. When we are not mindful or present, we potentially miss an opportunity that leaves us with regret. And the regret you experience should be viewed as a teacher for future behavior; it should propel you to change your behavior moving forward.

Final reflections

Remember you create your own memorable moments. As you flip the pages of your life story does it demonstrate that you were your own creator in the series of your life moments? Does it show a life full of satisfaction or unfulfillment? As you reflect if you find that the moments of your life have been unfulfilling–CHANGE IT. The power to change your life is already within you. But it requires you to be more mindful, present and intentional about what you choose to focus your energy towards.

What steps can you take today that will empower purposeful change in your life story? Give voice to your thoughts below!

Liberating yourself from the hamster wheel of acceptance by others

Have you ever truly thought about who you are fundamentally as a person? Have you put pen to paper and drafted your strengths, your weaknesses? What do you like about yourself versus dislike? Have you corroborated your thoughts by asking your family or friends?

Sometimes we are afraid to dig into this level of consciousness or receive this feedback out of fear of not being worthy. We as humans seek validation in the form of acceptance as an underlying need. Finding people you connect with is imperative to your social well-being. And being accepted by this social circle validates your need of being worthy.

But when does acceptance by others become a fallacy?

Our society is fixated on instant gratification. We want ‘likes’. We want ‘followers’. We want people to say ‘I’m attractive’. We want to be valued so we seek approval from others to achieve popularity, success, respect, love and as a result we feel instant validation. And the stamp of approval which reads ‘I am worthy’ is now imprinted in our head.

Because we seek instant validation our souls can get lost in the act of appealing to the egos of others.When you climb that hill of trying to impress others, so they will think highly of you, then you also accept the challenge of fighting your inner turmoil of who you truly are.

How can you be everything to everyone? You cannot. Rejection is a part of life. People have different upbringings, and we live in a world of diverse cultures--this shapes our values and beliefs. People observe how others behave and measure that behavior against their own values. They then decide if people are ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘I like’ or ‘ I don’t like’.

You cannot be everything to everyone. Rejection stings—albeit a bit more than we like sometimes.Sometimes we sit with that rejection trying to determine how to swing the needle in our favor. But when someone rejects you, they reject your identity. They have decided you have not passed THEIR tests of acceptance therefore you are relegated to an inferior position. People share their disapproval via criticism, shunning or hatred and this perpetuates your need to be accepted out of fear.

For what?

For acceptance by someone who cannot accept the real you. If anything, rejection (like all feelings) is a signal. A signal for you to turn away and find solace in those that do accept who you truly are. If you are relentlessly chasing acceptance from others, you need to look within yourself and understand what you feel you are lacking that others can satiate.

Liberate yourself and learn to radically turn away from people who will not honor you with acceptance. This is not the place for you. This will never be the place for you unless you change, conform, and ultimately satisfy their egos. I ask who are these people that determine what’s acceptable and what’s not? If you look closer, these people have defined what’s acceptable for them. You also have the power and freedom to decide what’s acceptable for you.

What Do You See When the Reflection in the Mirror Stares Back at You?

When your eyes peer at the reflection in the mirror—who stares back at you? A person with core beliefs that are so grounded you know exactly who you are? Where you fit in? What you value? What makes you feel comfortable? What makes you feel inspired?

Or do you focus on the pimple, the gray hair, the crow’s feet, the yellow-stained teeth, the mole, the visceral fat, or the thighs that touch?

Who are you and what beliefs do you have about yourself? Can you answer this question with honesty?

Many times, how others see you and how you see yourself differ. Often the image portrayed to others is not who you really are but who you feel you are required to be depending on the audience. If the way you feel about your core beliefs does not ‘fit’ into the society around you, then you will feel as though you need to ‘change’ who you are to avoid isolation.

I get it, sometimes you need to change who you are for the sake of civility. But sometimes you change who you are due to your self-limiting beliefs. And many times, those beliefs are ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘I am not as good as them’ and ‘I will be judged.’ These beliefs do not necessarily appear in your mind that way. They show up as low self-esteem, jealousy, envy, shame, anxiety and fear and your feelings are often reflected in your behavior; unbeknownst to you.

The things you absorb and are exposed to can touch your soul in such a way that makes you question ‘am I good enough,’ ‘am I as good as them,’ ‘will I be judged.’

Social media

Magazines

Work

The gym

Sports

TV

Etc...etc...etc...

These self-limiting beliefs will erode your self-esteem and hold you back in life. More importantly they are emphatically NOT TRUE

Am I good enough-YES you are. For every person, relationship, opportunity or otherwise.

Am I as good as them-ABSOLUTELY but you are unique, as we all are. We are all different and each of us have positive attributes.

Will I be judged-probably! But who gives a shit? The judgers should focus on their own existence instead of finding faults in others. And most of the time the judgers are not really thinking about you because the same beliefs ring true for them, and they are dealing with it just as you are.

Keep in mind that these self-limiting beliefs that reside in your mind occupy too much mental space. And what I mean is that any belief that evokes negative emotions about who you fundamentally are—takes too much mental space and too much energy.

What if you used that same magnitude of mental space and energy to create a new belief?

A belief that supports your unrealized potential. Unrealized only because the limiting beliefs have been hounding your mind. Try it! The next time you feel less than, jealous, envy, shame, fear—take note! Redirect those thoughts and find an attribute you admire in yourself and then STRENGTHEN it. Once you redirect your thoughts and focus on your strengths and uniqueness it will help you develop a sense of pride and will nurture your well-being. And the plus side--your self-esteem will increase.

Nothing is too small here when it comes to strengths so, please do not downplay your abilities. I read a story about a guy that crocheted hats as a hobby, and he was so good that he quit his day job and pursued his true passion. He sought an opportunity based on his strength. The same holds true for YOU!

Give voice to your thoughts below!

WAITING...

For the ‘right’ time to take a vacation

For a promotion that is two years overdue

For someone to post their failures on social media

For Friday

For payday

For your social circle to replenish your being instead of draining your soul

For something better never realizing what you have is enough

For your dreams to transpire

For people to stop being hard on you as you are just trying to exist

For a phone call from the person who makes your cells dance

For your mind to grasp the concept that you are more than enough

To be recognized for your efforts and appreciated for your thoughts

For new energy that inspires you

For someone to recognize your quintessential uniqueness

For the adoption of differences being acceptable and without judgment

For the sun to rise and the sky to GLOW

For the sun to set, the moon to shine and the sky to glimmer

For the birds to sing with the morning dew

For the first summer rain and the rainbow that forms

For the smile to exude from the one that stole your heart

To meet the person who gets your essence and feels your soul

For the glow up from minding your own business and focusing on your realized potential

We spend so much time WAITING.... Have you realized that your willingness to wait divulges what you value? The more you wait the more you value the thing for which you are waiting. When you reflect on the memories of what you have waited for do they bring you happiness? Joy? Peace?

When you add up your ‘waiting’ moments does your story convey one of contentment?

Some of the moments described above are ‘negative’ some are ‘positive,’ but the most fundamental aspect of each moment is that you get to choose. You get to choose what you wait for and hence what brings value to your life. Every day you wake up and you are breathing you have a choice. You have the choice to start over, you have the choice to select what you value, and you have the choice to shape your life in a way that is meaningful for you. Would you rather ‘wait’ for the moments that are stressful, make you question your worth, fill you with unnecessary anxiety and cause fear? Or would you rather ‘wait’ for the moments that nourish your soul, make you smile, bring you joy, serenity and peace?

Remember your time is finite and waiting for the things that do not align with your authentic essence impairs the time that can be spent on things that replenish your soul.

Give voice to your thoughts below!